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I swear that those drugs make my hair growfaster.Still he says that I am too manly and unattractive to Scott. I amtrying. I have practiced looks in the mirror. Little upward glancesacross the kitchen with a little smile, as if to say: "Hi there, I'm asilly little girl just like the kind you might fall in love with".Sometimes I think that I am getting somewhere, and then he puts me down.Then I think that he must hate me. He seems to enjoy making me cry. Inever used to cry, when I was a man. Now I just blubber like a babywhenever he is nasty to me.I just accept it. I hope and pray that tomorrow will be better - thattomorrow he will appreciate all that I have done, all that I have givenaway, to be his.Diary Entry 20He barely notices me, but other people do. I used to see my staff in thekitchen talking about me and maybe giggling, as if saying: "There is thechef who is trying to be a woman". Now I don't see it that much. PeopleI don't know have started calling me "Miss", or. The only person she does not seem to make clothes for is me.When asked about this, she is inclined to say, "The trouble is, men'sclothes are so boring!" And if this seems odd to me when I first hearit, after the events just described, I quickly come to understand whatshe means.My mother has two sisters and their lives have been oddly parallel.Jean, my mother's twin, has a daughter about my age called Jill. Jeanmarried in the same year as my mother, and divorced at about the sametime. She is plumpish, easygoing, funny, and unremittingly friendly.Unlike my mother, however, she has no career to speak of, and strugglesto make ends meet. Their elder sister Jacky has twin daughters herself.She is small, dark, and seemingly always busy. I think of her as aremote, slightly bad-tempered woman, but that perhaps is because likeJean she is currently going through financial difficulties arising from adivorce. But while Jean and Jill visit us often, we see Jacky and herdaughters rarely,.
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